Badlands, WY, to Saddlestring, WY

 Today we woke up in our cabin. Birds chirpin. We scooted over to Badlands for a little alone time runs/walks. Which meant we actually all stayed within five feet of one another on the same exact trail for one hour.

Said alone time

When we got back to the car it felt like we had been separated for years. Tears were shed, memories were shared, bonds were formed, laughter was had, sweat was sweat. I for one felt like I lost those I cared about most for 20 minutes, and they just missed out on monumental moments for me, like staring at the ground for rattlesnakes. I made Corinne go first for a while so they would bite her instead. Love you, though. Then we were on our way!!! Incoming to Josie! Super stinky and sweaty!

We stopped on an 80 mph highway to stare at these buffies. Most majestic animal in the US.

Not necessarily the cutest.

We made a pit stop at the one and only Mt. Rushmore. You never feel so patriotic as when you are paying your parking ticket in front of a rock shaped like Thomas Jefferson.

By the way, they did his nose so dirty it looks like a wedge you stick into a door to keep it open.

We fixed it though

✌️ because we solved the fundamental issue of a nation

Also they lowkey left Abe Lincoln out of the squad so hard - maybe bc he was too busy rizzing? Idk he was a hot commodity among our group... We naturally played kiss marry kill with the occupants of the mountain. Please comment your takes below. We have ours. Also, after watching Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer last night

(so scary) our opinion on him certainly changed. WOAH personally some of us are thinking that was an ick but others found it intruiging. Anywho- Roosevelt has a fun twang with the mustache and I love the idea of Washington's wig. ENOUGH OF THIS...

We drove to HF Bar, stopping at the local gas station for a brief celsius before tuning into Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa as we got excited to see real people our age. When we drove in, we originally entered the chef's driveway and almost took a wee in his backyard. It would've been nice if he came out and offered us a snack or maybe a cup of tea or maybe a beer for our trouble. But he didn't. Sometimes this life is so hard. Instead we screamed and held our bladders till we found miss Josie May.

Back to what matters. We finally found our way to HF entirely driven by our primal instinct for a nice restroom. Josie was plopped on the grass in front of the barn and we picked her up (she held on to the side of the car as I sped across (drove 2 mph) the gravel) and went to her cabin. We drove by a variety of coworkers and models? Let us know. We will be returning (**wink wink). We were ecstatic to find out that the gender bender party planned for that night was being postponed, so we could all actually dress like women instead of stinky dads which has been the outfit theme of our trip.

Big Honky, we will be back <3

We sat on Josie's bed as she chucked clothes at us and jackets galore before skipping over to their crew room for some leftover wings. Louisa was the only person who indulged in said wings.

The meal of a REAL woman

The coordination of a surgeon

She has no regrets. They were scrumptious. She was going to town until Josie's cool model friends--i mean coworkers--came into the room and were watching her rabidly consume the meat n bones. We were particularly excited to meet a couple in particular but were pleasantly surprised by Josie's friend Eric. Eric is new to the ranch as of this year. But recently, he found himself getting quite comfortable with the kitchen equipment. You see, last week Eric came into the crew room for a late night snack from their commercial industrial fridge. Been there, done that (like a lot, like you wonder where all the quesadillas and leftover burgers went. Jeff, I ate them all and they were delicious). But the HF fridge is a little unstable, and when Eric passionately ripped those two doors to heaven open, the entire contraption fell on him. So Eric was tackled, mowed down, annihilated, by a fridge. But don't worry, he got his revenge because while Eric lived to tell the tale, the fridge certainly did not. 

That night, we went into Josie's cute gender reveal pinkified room and realized squeezing onto her bed would be a bit of a task, so we split two on the bed and the strongest of us went to the floor. Only true champions can sleep on the floor, the absolute best of us. Therefore, Louisa Rawles slept on the floor. She is so good. We love her.

Love is a really strong word though. I mean, she's cool I guess? I think the other girls were mostly relieved to avoid the mega Dutch oven that would likely result from Lulu joining the group. So, sure... she's "strong" if that's how you would define it.

Madelynne, I am directing this at you right now. And it's a really mean bite. You're crying. I, tortoise, am laughing, however tortoises do that.

HF Bar, we will see you again. Badlands, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Dutch ovens... I could take em or leave em. RRR, we will see you soon. Daddy's coming home.